Trade You

There are some super annoying things out there, both in the internets and in real life. Wouldn't it be great if we could get rid of them? I think so. So I have decided to broker some deals:

Republicans: If you stop claiming that President Obama is not a natural-born citizen of the United States (please read this if you believe this

then...

Democrats: You'll have to stop asserting that Bush stole the presdency in 2000.

Texas people: If you stop claiming your home state is better than the other 49 put together

then..

The rest of us will call everything that is bigger than it should be "Texas-sized." For example:

-Did you see that Texas-sized spider in the garage?

-Wow! That's a Texas-sized apple.

-Them pants is Texas-sized!

Left-handers (myself included): If you learn how to use scissors like normal human beings

then...

Right-handers: You can only nod and smile when we claim we're more creative because we use the "right side of our brain." This is incredibly comforting to us.

Cash for Gold companies: If you promise to give us fair market value for our old rings, necklaces, and "grills"

then...

People who send you said items promise not to use the money to buy American Idol on Tour tickets. True, the Cash for Gold companies get nothing in return, but they would be serving the greater good, right?

Mexican soccer fans: If you stop throwing debris on our players every time we head south to play your team

then...

We promise not to wear soccer shorts in public.

Send me some of your annoying things and I'll try to broker a deal for you. Deal, or no deal?